A Little something dedicated to My Nani

This second post is dedicated to someone who has made me the woman that I am today...

This year on the 13th of September I wrote up a little something just for her.. I used to write little poems about frogs and turnips.. which she carefully bound into a book.. so this post is up so she could bind it as an indelible memory of us.. right up in Heaven where she belongs now...

The 13th of September is etched in my heart as Nani's birthday.. My heart sinks today as I write about her in the past - tense.. SHe was a wonderful human being.. rich with novel ideas, a compassionate heart and a firm volition of being the very best till the very end.. SHe passed away , yet her presence is still felt in every home and every heart she thrived in.. I love her loads.. and on this day I give myself up to her.. and I wish she could just doll me up for one more day like she always used to.. I remember her birthday to be one of those occasions where we'd eatiing till we drop down.. laughing till we can stop.. and ofcourse.. me singing till someone.. seriously shut me up :P I remember her on this day and everyday as being a tough .. burly warm.. monther cum grandmother to me.. who has made me what I am today.. The photo was taken when I was really tiny.. and till the very last day before she was hospitalized.. she lay on my lap.. and looked up to me and said..' that whatever I have is all yours'.. This she uttered to me each day.. and it is true.. I long to have all her qualities.. and I would love to bestow all her love and all her warmth to everyone she truly loved..

There have been times when I have sat up wondering.. why is it that she had to leave me before I would give her my share of love.. give her my share of yummy delicacies that I prepare today.. but then I feel that she is definitely watching up.. lapping up my delicacies and tightly hugging me when I sleep at nights.. :) I love her loads.. and she has been my mum since the time I was born.. The clips on my hair.. to the jewellery that I'd just ' have to ' wear .. to the clothes and the food that I would have to adorn and lap up were just few of the things how she would take me as her 5th child..

Nani would always be with me.. and scold me as well.. scold me for being the mischievious me.. for hiding my copies under bed.. when I'd have bad marks to offer.. She would unerath all my secrets from every nook and corner.. and I would be amazed at her determination to never stop :P

TIll the very last day I was fortunate to feed her for the last time.. SHe had become like a small baby at the end of her journey.. SHe couldn't speak.. but she would look into my eyes.. and just convey all that she wanted to .. till the very end.. WHat affects me the most was the fact that.. she always had the last word in ev everything.. but on the very last day.. when she was suffering.. no amount of questions asked by me.. about what was hurting her.. and where was the pain originating from reaped no answers.. All I feel upset about is that at the end I could feel her dimming pulse.. and I kept saying..' No no it cannot be the end.. It cannot'.. but I guess the end had come and she left us.. and entered our lives through spririt..

I was in splits while talking to Mama today .. and I felt good that she lives among us through all of us.. and it is true.. yet I long to hug her.. and the way she would fill me up.. completely...

I want to be like her.. and I want my children and my grandchildren to know about her... and I hope she looks upon me.. and my family and my future family and friends.. whom she doted and dotes.. and will dote on.. and smile forever more..

Nani.. I love u loads.. and I really hope heaven has a facebook account and she could read this :P and include it in her diary.. where she would write every single day without fail.. ' The maids have not come today.. or .. Bou is P = Present... and Bidhan is A= Absent.. Her diaries were so amusing and interesting to read and I would never forget how till the very last day .. she had written.. How she was not keeping well ...

Nani.. I could go on and on and on.. about her...but I would like to end by singing her favourite song for her specially

Aaaloker eyi jhorna dharaaaye dhuiye daaao..

aapnaaake ei lukiye raakhaa dhulaaaye dhaakaa

dhuiyee daaaaaaaaaaaao

Happy birthday to u Nani.. U were a warrior princess and sensitive and lovable lady.. and I look up to u as being the very epitome of love for me and for everyone.. Loveed Babai and Dadai's writings about her... :) and Mama's bit of calling me up and cheering me up and the truth that she still lives among us.. :)

A little note to everyone.. Love ur loved ones.. to the very end.. Life is too short for regrets .. and grudges.. and all sorts of issues that would snatch away valuable time from us.. and our relationships... Lets grow.. up and never grow out of love for anyone.. I would like to hug and love all my friends.. and family.. who have probably moved away from me.. or there have been issues.. and I would like to genuinely love them and continue to care for them forever more..

Tight hug to my Ma , Baba, Dadai, Diyadi, Mamai, my Family, my Best friend and my boy.... for standing by me and supporting me through all my sadness and trying times.. Love u all .. I miss u all loads.. and I give u all loads of love and I promise to forever be with u all till I breathe my last..

Love u Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaani.. tight hug to u :)

Love to all :) Nani make a wish.. Its ur birthday.. WOw .. she blew out all the candle :P Hehe tight hug .. Cheers everyone..